For the last month or two now, I have felt as though I just exist. Have
you ever done this? Everything in your
life feels like a routine? I’m not sad,
but I’m not necessarily happy either…maybe just kind of content or numb
perhaps? I generally, with my moods, am
somewhere in the middle with short bouts of tipping the scale towards happiness
and at other times, towards moments of sadness.
My life just seems to keep speedily slipping away from me and I ask
myself, "Where did 2014 go? Where did 2015 go? And how is it already the first part of August in 2016?” The
sun comes up and the sun goes down. I
drive the same stretch of road day in and day out to get to work…Laundry every
weekend…dishes to do every time I eat or make a mess...hike the same trails week
after week and even stop at the same gas station every other week to fill my
truck.
“When does the madness end,” and “Is this what a midlife
crisis feels like?”
And in trying to figure out what it is exactly that I am going through, I had to evaluate if I fit the stereotypical behaviors that one may exude with a midlife crisis...I have not gone out and
purchased my new “dream” car
or something really expensive…it actually, if the truth be known, is just the opposite. I’m selling or
getting rid of everything. I also have not been looking for that much younger significant other to hang
on my arm to make me look younger. (A word of advice for those who date people who are half your age...It
makes you look OLDER.)J I also have not had that urge to reconnect with my youth and go clubbing and dance
until the music stops–even though that was a lot of fun. And lastly, I have not had that urge to get in the best
shape of my life just to impress others and try to lose several hundred pounds like most of us may try and do at this stage of our lives.
“So how do I define or change and get out of this 'funk' I am in?” I asked myself. I figured I needed to try and break my normal routine.
I had not been to a movie in a theatre for some time, so I decided to break my normal pattern just a week ago and went out and saw the new Star Trek movie. Those of you who knew my
Mother, know that Star Trek in our household while growing up was like peanut
butter and jelly…like ham and eggs…or like yin and yang…Simply put, you could not
live life without Star Trek being a part of it.
The original series was released the day after her birthday on September 8th, 1966. I remember my Mom telling me that Star Trek was created "just
for her." Contemplating what she just said as a young boy, and if it was really created "just for her," would then lead me to ask the following question...“Well, why was it released on September eighth instead of on the seventh?”
She simply would say, “Out of respect, of course. They still
wanted my day to be special and this is why they released it the day after my
birthday”…A perfectly “logical” answer that would easily fool a kid I would say, wouldn’t you?
So as I sat there in a surprisingly empty theatre waiting
for the movie to begin–this is what you get when you go on a Monday at 10:30a.m.–I
couldn’t help but to think how wonderful it would be to have my Mother sitting there
next to me. Watching her cheer, watching
her laugh and of course watching her cry as she enjoyed and experienced this new
movie and the adventures of James Tiberius Kirk and the crew that had been a
part of her life for so many years before her passing.
For those of you who don’t know, she was a columnist for
over 20 years of her life. The last 12
years of her career was completed at the Idaho Press Tribune. During those twelve years, she also went by the pen name of Ida Chatter
and developed quite a following of people who would read and engage in her
columns.
Unfortunately, times were and are tough for the newspaper business and eventually my Mother’s position was also ended in May of 2013. Interestingly enough and during this same time she was let go, the previous Star Trek Movie, “Into Darkness,” had just been released. Her final publication as a columnist at Idaho Press Tribune is one I feel we can all learn from and was published Friday, May 24th, 2013…
Unfortunately, times were and are tough for the newspaper business and eventually my Mother’s position was also ended in May of 2013. Interestingly enough and during this same time she was let go, the previous Star Trek Movie, “Into Darkness,” had just been released. Her final publication as a columnist at Idaho Press Tribune is one I feel we can all learn from and was published Friday, May 24th, 2013…
“Saw the new Star Trek movie recently and cheered, cried and
applauded out loud, to the chagrin of my hubby. I especially loved the ending
when Captain Jim Kirk, after surviving numerous battles and even death for a
few days, steps onto the bridge, completely recovered, looking self assured and
anxious for the next adventure.
All is quiet as Sulu asks where to set a course for.
And then Jim, looking out into the vastness of space filled with stars, and endless galaxies, just grins, motions with his hand and says with a twinkle in his eye … “Out there!” … And cold chills accompany the anticipation of what's ahead for him and his crew, the Enterprise sling-shots into warp drive … whoosh … and they're gone.
Thought this would be a good way to let you know that today is my last post.
Nearly 12 years ago I began filling the shoes of Ida Chatter. And I have loved every minute. But the time for me to move on has come. So I'm in the bridge and I'm looking “out there,” for the next challenge, hurdle and adventure and … WHOOSH ...!”
As I sat there and took in this new movie, I also cheered, laughed, applauded and
admittedly cried. And with hopes for that secret scene at the end, I even
stayed and viewed the final credits role up the big screen as the inspirational and moving music continued in the background. It was during this time at the end of the
movie, that I began to further reflect and think about the powerful example my
Mother had given to me just months before her passing with what she wrote in
her final column…Even though she was just let go from a job she loved, she was
still looking, “OUT THERE!”
Maybe, just maybe, I need to just follow her example and
need to expand my horizons a bit and come up from the cargo area to the bridge, so
I can gaze into the "vastness of space" and see the "endless galaxies...out there!” Maybe correcting
how I feel, or this funk I am in, is simply about perspective?
It’s worth a try, isn’t it?
I know it doesn't sound like it but, I really do try and tend to be very grateful for things I have and what I experience. Maybe just a little bit of an adjustment, from time to time, with my perception is all I need in order to make sure I don't seem ungrateful. I can't approach and do the same things over and over again without changing something and expect different results, can I? Instead of seeing the sun just coming up and going down, look at how it provides light, warmth and life. Instead of driving the same old road to work, look at it as a wonderful means to drive and not walk to work…and yes I have work! Instead of complaining about the laundry, maybe I should be grateful I have laundry to do…etc., etc., etc.
In the new movie when Kirk was presented with the possibility of becoming an Admiral and would be leaving his Captain’s chair on the Enterprise, he makes
a profound statement that should NOT be missed...
“When I become an Admiral, they don’t fly right? Well, that’s
no fun!”
My goal for the rest of the year, as well as the rest of my life as I experience those midlife crisis' or those moments of "funk," is to look "out there" at the endless possibilities that are before me so that I may experience those "cold chills" and "whoosh" into the endless opportunities that are possible for me...Somehow, it appears that I must have promoted myself to Admiral over the last two months; therefore, and let it be known to all, that I just demoted myself back to Captain...I want to FLY so I can continue to have fun! Don’t
you?
