Monday, August 10, 2015

"A Squirrel, A NUT And A Nutshell" Gina Waite

Life has a funny way of helping you stay humble.  It never fails that the moment I feel confident that I’ve crossed all my “t’s” and dotted all my “i’s”…in reality I’ve probably crossed and my “i’s” and dotted all my “t’s”!  It’s humbling, and very necessary, to realize that we really have very little control over all areas of our life.  However, we DEFINITELY can choose how we THINK and REACT…and I wish I could say I thought and reacted like an “adult” about a month ago.  All I can say is it started with a squirrel…

Love my home…love where I live…and while we were gone for a short get-away to visit my family to the West…an area squirrel  moved into my flower beds and echoed my sentiments.  Imagine my disappointment when I found most of my east-facing flower bed had been victim to a series of underground tunneling…the likes of which could ONLY been compared to Alcatraz!  With much trepidation my family helped me uncover huge holes and underground chambers that were deep enough our biggest concern: the squirrel had possibly laid siege on our food storage in the cellar-like crawl space on the east side of our house. 

Our crawl space…a fantastic storage area that is clean, leveled and well-lit…and on that day, completely void of any tunnels!  However, was also completely under about a half-inch of water!  After the screams of water-discovery, the deductive reasoning that a pipe had burst, a quick emergency call to our trusty plumber and a well-used ShopVac’s magic…the freshly drenched crawl-space was back to its pre-Bellagio state…now back to that squirrel.

Further investigation proved that our newly-acquired neighbor had done damage in EVERY SINGLE GARDEN BED that borders our property!  The destruction to the gardens was such a disappointment to this plant-loving princess that I had to retreat to my house and start unpacking.  As I wheeled our empty luggage to our mechanical room/gym…I was overwhelmed at the sewer-like smell coming from under the door.  As I opened the door, I realized that our sump-pump strap, that had loosened over time, had finally gave way to the pressure that shot unmentionable waste into the sewer system and had loosened a connection that gave way to disgusting sludge on our painted concrete floor.  Scream of discovery then ensued, another quick emergency call to our plumber, quite possibly an entire GALLON of Lysol concentrate, AND a well-used ShopVac’s magic returned the floor to its pre-poop state…now back to that squirrel.

As I called our pest-control servicer and became more aware of the difficulty in finding a pest control servicer that would deal with a squirrel, the beads of sweat began to pool and trickle off my head.  I realized our day had been filled with excitement but it seemed unusually warm and void of any fresh breeze from our air conditioning system…because surely our air conditioning system (tried and true and void of any problems EVER before) was perfectly intact…or was it?  The shock and disbelief that another technical malfunction has besought our recently vacationed household was so acute…I got in my car to drive to the nearest store to by squirrel-bait.  En route to my local Walmart, and minutes after the discovery that my normally smooth-as-silk driving Cadillac was riding more like a Jeep, I pulled off the road and called my mechanic.

As I parked at the mechanic I realized I had only ten minutes to call and schedule a repairman for our air conditioning unit…a unit we were in desperate need of as we were hosting a wedding open house in just three short days!  My phone call to the secretary started off normal and cordial…but as she communicated the difficulty in getting a repairman out BEFORE the open house…I lost all sense of sanity…I BECAME A NUT!  They say about three-quarters of the earth’s surface is covered with water…ABOUT HALF OF THAT CAME FROM MY EYES AND NOSE THAT DAY!!!  As I sat at my mechanics shop, relating the happenings of the day, our dependence on a lovely and cool setting for a wedding open house AND Satan’s squirrel (I actually think I used that definition)…after a long pause and quite possibly phone-covered laughter, that secretary took pity on me and a repairman was scheduled first thing the NEXT morning!

That next morning, cleaning up my bedroom and in full view of the backyard…I can neither confirm NOR deny that seeing the state of his mother, and knowing of her dependence on a squirrel-free environment, that my son (clad only in boxer-briefs and holding his paint ball gun) recognized the squirrel had surfaced in the backyard garden directly under his window and had a brief opportunity to take him out.  Out of the corner of my eye, recognizing the scantily-clad, stealthy-stalker, the realization that ALL my neighbor’s teenage daughters were in view of said stalker, I ran to the backyard to better understand the situation…only to witness the demise of the squirrel.  Now I realize these were ALL first world problems I was experiencing that weekend, and I suppose it’s a necessary evil to understand how blessed we are in having modern conveniences to NOT have them for a time…but what I DO know with a surety…that weekend inspired how a squirrel, AND a NUT, became a perfectly entertaining NUTSHELL…hope you agree!!!!!

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