It's
funny how often I've heard my older brother Jim say jokingly to my wife,
Iolanda, "Mi casa es su casa".
Many know that this is a common expression in Spanish that means,
"My home is your home". What makes this saying so fun to hear is that
I know he says it to my wife with two motives in mind. The first is that Jim
knows that though Iolanda speaks Portuguese as a first language, many fluent
Spanish speakers take one look at her and due to her Latina appearance, assume
she speaks Spanish. I've witnessed this on occasion when even total strangers speak
Spanish to her. Her reply is always a polite reply in English, "I'm sorry I
don't speak Spanish I speak Portuguese".
This helps explain why my brother speaks in Spanish to my wife; he knows
very well that it will get a laugh from her (probably not surprising for those
who know Jim)! The second reason he says
to her, and the reason I believe he has said it often to her, is to sincerely return
to her the same caring and warmth that my wife has always extended to him.
Though
it may be a Spanish expression, I believe it's a principle by which my wife
lives her life. One common way I've witnessed my wife make our home a place
where all can feel at home is by inviting you over for dinner. I remember the
first time I experienced this quality in my wife, we were recently married and
my wife invited my brothers over for a Brazilian lunch. She was excited to
provide for them a small experience from Brazil though more importantly; she
was excited to make her new family feel welcome in our home. As newlyweds typically experience, we didn't
have quite enough utensils to set our table, we didn't have enough groceries in
the pantry, and to top it off, we were living in a pretty tight space. Somehow
though, between tracking down the needed groceries, getting cookware we needed
at the local thrift store, and making do with what we had she was able to put
together an authentic Brazilian lunch experience for my brothers. What I love
most about that experience was that she wasn't embarrassed or worried by any of
the things that embarrassed or worried me. She simply wanted to share what she
had, no matter how humble or simple, with those she cared for. The meal was delicious
and to top off that memorable day, my brothers, who are all comedians by the
way, provided entertainment by sharing those funny, albeit embarrassing,
stories that siblings share growing up together (many of which came up later
from my concerned wife).
Through
my marriage, similar experiences like this have come up many times with many
different wonderful people because of my wife. I've watched her, though swamped
with responsibilities, still reach out to newly made friends, co-workers, and
family when I thought she should have waited for a better time. Thankfully, she
has taught me that there is never a better time that right now to open your
doors and your arms to those around you.
On
one other occasion, one that warms my heart as I reflect on that memory was
during Christmas time a few years ago.
My wife had been working in retail and as those who work retail know,
the holidays meant longer hours at work and less time at home. I also was under
considerable stress to deliver some large furniture and cabinet projects due
before Christmas. Those days and weeks leading up to Christmas that year were
strained and stressful.
As
Christmas day neared, I anxiously looked forward to having a day off together
with her and the kids. I was surprised when she came home from work on
Christmas Eve and announced that we needed to clean the house because she had
invited a friend over to have a Christmas lunch with us. My heart sunk a little
and I knew that what lay ahead wasn't the rest I was hoping for. We mustered up
the courage we had and spent the evening cleaning up the house and preparing
food for our guest's visit the next day.
Despite my initial disappointment, I quickly learned from my
wife that the person she had invited was going through a particularly trying
time in her life and didn't have the support of family near her for Christmas.
The next day during our Christmas lunch, I came to realize the opportunity my
wife had given to our children and myself to reach out and be a friend in a
very meaningful way. Thankfully, her mind and her heart were tuned into more
than just rest from the stress and pressures of day-to-day life. We had a
wonderful experience and as a family, we learned an invaluable lesson through
her example.
I've wondered many times how my dear wife has developed those
endearing qualities that emanate from her so naturally. Much I think can be
attributed to her humble start in life of growing up in a family of twelve in
Brazil. Personally, I like to think that she developed most of her spiritual qualities
before she came to this earth and that a loving God placed her here specifically
because the world would need courageous and loving people like her to champion
His causes and make the world a better place. She is my angel, my best friend,
and the brightest light in my life. Today on her birthday, I celebrate her life
and her efforts! I love you, Lola!
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