Tuesday, February 4, 2014

"OOOPPPS"...by Jim Terry

Tried to water some plants the other day in my garden and ended up saying, “Oooppps”.  Have you ever set out to do something routine, meaning you have done it a hundred times, and for some reason that day it doesn’t turn out right or backfires in your face?  I have a few examples I would put on the “oooppps” list and want to share them with you.  By the way, please “DO TELL” us about yours as well…it will make me feel better. ;0) 

I remember at school, university level mind you, a classmate of mine doing something that I would put on the top of this “ooopppps” list.  In Dentistry, just like any other medical profession, it is important to know a person’s medical history. This is because one’s health may change what anesthetic you may use on them that day, choose whether or not to even proceed with a procedure or it has been proven medically that certain health conditions can totally change or exacerbate a patient’s oral condition making the situation totally worse…like pregnancy.

A new patient had arrived at our dental clinic in Pocatello, Idaho.  She filled out the appropriate paperwork and awaited to see which of us students would bring her back.   Not long after she completed her paperwork, my classmate went out to bring her back to the operatory right next to the one I was working in.  As my classmate continued to converse with this patient about her health history, the question “How far along are you?” was asked of the patient.  … Now I’m not sure and please don’t tell OSHA, but I think there were crickets in our clinic that day. You know that awkward silence that is portrayed when someone does a really REALLY bad joke where NO ONE, and I mean NO ONE laughs, and all you hear is crickets in the background? …The look of the patient towards my classmate told the whole story of...“I’m not pregnant idiot!”  And of course my classmate realizing the mistake turned the brightest shade of red I have ever seen. Definitely an “Oooppps!"

Next…the gas pump.  I’m sure all of us have experienced or used a gas pump at one point or another in our lives.  I remember a neighbor of ours who, for some reason, always had the worst luck or somehow fell into the “fools” club of Idaho Falls.  This gentleman was always kind and nice as a neighbor but how many times do you set a hill on fire with illegal fireworks and threaten to burn down the neighbor’s home before you say, “Enough is enough?”  Actually you never say, “Enough is enough” because that would end your annual spectacular firework show so you simply put in your own fire hydrant don’t you?

I was watching the local news headlines one night with my Mom and Dad and we noticed a video of a patron at a local gas station.  The video showed a man pulling up, taking off the gas cap to his vehicle and then he placed the gas nozzle into his gas tank and proceeded to fill his vehicle.  The time-lapse video also showed that same man leaving the side of his vehicle right after he placed the nozzle in the tank and he went into the gas station to pay for his purchase and pick up a few other items. 

As the man came back out, he jumped into his truck and started to pull forward.  Forgetting that he had left the gas nozzle in his vehicle, the video then showed that this man’s vehicle came to a screeching halt when the gas pump was ripped from it’s secure concrete foundation and fell on it’s side to the ground.  As the newscast continued they finally released the name of our firework fire-starting neighbor who was the culprit of this particular “crime.”  With a few chuckles from my parents and myself since it didn’t start a fire and no one was hurt, we went back to our regular news of spud harvest and the weather forecast.  …Another "Oooppps!”

Finally as I went out to water my plants the other day, I was impressed by the massive display of cobwebs on the side of the house that had transpired over night.  Beautiful and amazing but they had to go since part of that same display also hit me in the face as I walked out of the front door.  The day before I had been using the hose with a nozzle on the end of it which was set in the “jet” position because I was spraying off the driveway.  After I was done, I carefully rolled the hose back up onto the holder, turned off the water and placed the nozzle on the end of the hose in the correct location on the hose holder itself. (see picture)

As I assessed the situation, a clever thought entered my head. "What a good way to get rid of the webs that now covered the side of the house. Just BLAST them off of there with the jet setting on the sprayer." So as I bent over to turn on the water, and again this must have been written in the stars or the spiders set this up to protect their home, the nozzle was perfectly placed and aimed at my derriere! ..."Ready...Aim....FIRE!!!" I swear to this day that I had turned the nozzle off but need I say more?  I think I may have, like my Mother did when she tripped over the stool in her kitchen, developed a new Zumba move that day trying to get out of the line of fire.

I’m sure you will be happy to know that even though the spiders started a war, I finished what I started out to do…wet butt and all! …Of course this task was completed with nice slice of humble pie, a couple of four letter words and two thoughts in my mind that kept being repeated over and over again… “OOOPPPS" and "I forgot to water the plants!"